Temperament Tip #2
Not too long ago, I asked you to identify the temperament of someone you would like to get to know or love more fully. I hope you took this challenge to heart because identifying someone’s primary color is, without a doubt, the first step towards building a meaningful, mutually-rewarding relationship.
To help you do this, in the last issue I gave you a link to a podcast which introduced you to some overt and covert colorization strategies. Hopefully you had a chance to use some of those to arrive at your conclusions.
However, because very few people have only one color in their personality spectrum, you also need to try to determine their other colors as well.
Here’s where the overt strategies come into play nicely, such as having them complete one of our full spectrum assessments, such as the Insight Personality Instrument, the Insight Temperament Test, or the Insight Spectrum Survey. Any of these tests will reveal the percentage of each color in an individual’s spectrum. Once you’ve identified their complete spectrum, then your next assignment is:
Create a valid list of their top 10 values. These are the attributes or characteristics they prize and wish to perfect as they journey through life.
You may want to go back and review Bonus Insights #1 for some clues. Also, because most people share some values in common, such as family, liberty, and religion, I want you to look past these obvious things and dig a little deeper.
“Take My Wife, Please”
Let me give you an example of what you need to do. I’m going to describe to you the values of my wife, Kristin, who has been my sweetheart and soul mate for the past 20 years.
After taking a couple of our tests, and reading a couple of my books, she indicates she is primarily Blue, 46% in fact. The behaviors I’ve observed over the years confirms this conclusion. The other colors in her spectrum are, in order, Gold (24%), Orange (18%), then Green (12%). Now with that in mind, I’ve made a list of her values, which are largely Blue with a little bit of Gold and Orange thrown in. Here are a couple of the items from my list:
- Kristin values a home where our family and visitors can experience love, peace, comfort, and a feeling of belonging.
- Kristin believes everyone is a unique child of God and should be treated as distinct individuals, yet fairly and compassionately, and who should be given the benefit of the doubt more often than not.
- Kristin seeks to be known as a friendly, kind, benevolent person who is also a good listener with an open-door and open-heart policy.
Next, I took my list and when we both had a quiet moment together, I ran it past her and asked if these things were true and if she wanted to make any amendments or additions. She was surprised and pleased that I would take the time to go through this exercise, and this act alone strengthened our bond.
After a few corrections, I had a validated list that I could commit to memory and reflect on before I said or did anything that involved her. My goal is to ask myself if what I am about to do strengthens or supports the things she values. If it doesn’t, then, if possible, I try to adjust it to reflect at least some of her values.
I encourage you to invest a little time into this exercise. If you are sincere and honest, and express genuine interest in the other person, regardless of whether they are a love interest, a friend, or a business colleague, I’m confident it will pay long-term dividends.