[ V I D E O T R A N S C R I P T ]
Hi. My name is Nathan Bryce and I’m co-founder of the Insight Learning Foundation and the author of the Insight Temperament System. This video will explain how a $17 investment at InsightLearning.com can solve all your problems. Well, maybe that’s a little optimistic. But I will promise to help you solve at least some of them. Because I’m going to tell you how to interact successfully with all types of people.
Ever since the very first man met the very first woman, the world has been plagued with problems. And many of those problems have to do with how one person treats another person. In other words, these are relationship problems or people problems. We’re simply not interacting in ways that make sense or appeal to our audience. And when I say “interacting” I mean everything that it entails, such as communicating, motivating, leading, parenting, teaching, selling, loving, working, and so on. If we don’t interact in ways that people prefer, it rubs them the wrong way and strains our relationships. Whenever we do something that isn’t understood, appreciated, or tolerated—problems arise. Really bad problems.
Not too long ago, I spent an entire day watching the news, listening to commentators, and reading as many newspapers, blogs, and tweets as I possibly could. Whenever I learned that something bad had happened—something that wasn’t caused by nature but was caused by people treating other people badly I wrote it down on a sticky note. And here is my collection of the bad things that happened on that particular day:
Injustice, prejudice, anger, piracy, cruelty, ridicule, violence, trespassing, rage, ingratitude, malice, stealing, unkindness, deceit, aggression, obstinacy, capriciousness, hatred, prodigality, jealousy, censoriousness, tax evasion, criticism, deception, drunkenness, hostility, scornfulness, tyranny, theft, disrespect, fraud, cheating, slander, power lust, negativity, callousness, impudence, shamelessness, effrontery, traitorousness, bribery, dissatisfaction, self-abuse, arrogance, paranoia, vindictiveness, selfishness, seducement, complaining, oppression, pride, laziness, desire for fame, manipulation, irreverence, debasement, whining, ignorance, thoughtlessness, stubbornness, insidiousness, priestcraft, calculation, contention, lecherousness, immorality, disobedience, conceitedness, garrulity, revenge, baseness, cowardice, depression, mutilation, haughtiness, condescension, wrath, derision, abandonment, bitterness, stinginess, exploitation, flattery, self-hatred, hoarding, racisim, self-righteousness, conspicuousness, ostentatiousness, apostasy, vanity, pessimism, hypocrisy, lying, perjury, promiscuity, adultery, excessiveness, narcissism, maligning, child abuse, insatiability, indecency, obsession, bestiality, egoism, unruliness, hypersensitivity, inattentiveness, murder, rebellion, harshness, greed, imperiousness, desertion, ambition, masochism, imposture, pornography, gambling, hard-heartedness, arguing, pederasty, falseness, snooping, pompousness, faithlessness, voyeurism, gluttony, self-pity, high-handedness, slavery, cursing, discrimination, abuse, fear, lust, pollution, rapacity, treason, sadism, idolatry, fornication, excuse-making, sloth, voluptuousness, carnality, gossiping, indifference, pretense, assault, contempt, necrophilia, humiliation, dominance, interrupting, extortion, sabotage, sarcasm, torment, dogmatism, delusion, envy, swearing, furtiveness, infidelity, witchcraft, unyielding, suicide, mockery, implacability, know-it-all, irresponsibility, hurt, despair, incest, discord, insolence, power-hunger, intransigence, grudge, boasting, backbiting, murmuring, corruption, rape, judgmental, genocide, intolerance, obscenity, impatience, drug abuse, quarrelsomeness, ignorance, mercilessness, presumption, blasphemy, guile, embezzlement, and malignancy.
Quite the collection of problems, isn’t it? After I reached 200 unique items, and ran out of sticky notes, I stopped recording them. It absolutely ruined my day as I contemplated all the ways people torment each other.
Fortunately not all those problems affected me directly. Many of them were happening on a global or national scale. But some problems came from my local community, some from my neighbors and friends, some came from my own family, and truth be told, some of them came from me. I decided that the problems that were closer to me were the ones I needed to focus on first. Once they were solved, then I could expand outward and work on the others. So I whittled down the collection to only show the problems that affected me and those around me. Next, I crossed out all the problems which are out of my ability to influence or control. It makes absolutely no sense to get all worked up about something that I can’t even hope to change. And, truth be told, the only problems I CAN control with absolute certainty are my own problems — the ones I created. And it’s those problems that require my attention.
So here’s a smaller collection of problems that I think I have or that my wife thinks I have:
This is much more manageable. But now what do I do about them? How do I solve these specific problems? Well thankfully, some of the world’s best and brightest have been working on these problems for thousands of years and have come up with some truly amazing solutions. I’d like to tell you about one solution that really works for me and my problems, and I’m pretty confident it will work for you too, because it has already helped billions of people all around the world. Are you ready? Here it is in ten words:
“Treat other people the way they want to be treated.”
The Ethic of Reciprocity
You might recognize this philosophy as the Golden Rule. Nearly every culture throughout the history of the world had a version of this maxim, which modern psychologists call “the ethic of reciprocity.” It is the basis of many of the laws in our justice system. But notice my version is a little different from what you may have seen in the past. Most versions say, “Treat other people the way you want to be treated.” This assumes that most people want what you want. My version says, “Treat other people the way they want to be treated.” This assumes that people may or may not want what you want and that you plan to be aware of those differences. This one requires you to have empathy.
Why is it important to treat other people the way they want to be treated? Because all it takes is a quick look around to see that people are different in many fundamental ways. They value different things, have different needs, possess different strengths, and are motivated by different desires. They communicate differently, prefer different jobs, are stressed-out by different things, learn in different ways, look for different things in their relationships, parent with different styles, and find joy in different activities.
Fortunately, researchers have also learned that there is a pattern to these differences. People are, in fact, different in similar ways. When personality traits and preferences are factored out and clustered together in logical ways, they define four specific types of people, which we call the four temperaments. Using the metaphor of colors to help us remember this information, we have a Blue, Gold, Green, and Orange temperament. If you’re like most people, you’ll probably have a preference for one temperament over the others. This is your primary color. It is the one that is most dominant. But what complicates things a bit is that your personality also has different amounts of the other three colors in it. So everyone ends up with a color spectrum, and that’s what makes all of us quite unique.
Now let’s go back to my original promise. I said I was going to help you solve many of your problems by telling you how to interact successfully with all types of people and that it was only going to cost you $17. But to do that, I need you to complete three tasks. But don’t worry, I’ll help you do all three things.
Identify your spectrum and the spectra of your family members. At InsightLearning.com, you’ll find a number of assessments that measure your color spectrum. If you want to accurately identify your colors and the colors of your family members, and generate a comprehensive report on each person, then you can do all of that for $17, which is the cost of a month-long subscription to our site. Most companies charge you around $50 for an in-depth personality test and report—per person. Not us. One $17 subscription will colorize and create a report for everyone who lives at your residence, whether there’s just one of you, or 65.
Learn as much as you can about each temperament. You need to learn what makes people tick and why people do the things they do. You need to understand their values, strengths, and needs. You need to learn how they appear at different stages of their life. And how they act as they perform different roles.
And all of this takes time and effort. It’s not something that can be mastered in a few minutes. I’ve been studying personality for decades and still learn something new every day. But you’ll be able to solve some really challenging problems after about 20 hours. At least that’s been my experience as I’ve personally taught this information to thousands of people. I know 20 hours seems like a lot of time. But you don’t have to do it all at once. If you study for 13 minutes a day, every day, it will only take about 13 weeks for you to reach that goal. Of course, you’ll be able to solve many problems after only an hour or two.
Fortunately, InsightLearning.com will help you learn what you need to know. With a $17 subscription, you’ll find a number of online resources, like e-books, streaming videos, audio pod-casts, and educational courses that will help you learn everything you need to know about Blue, Gold, Green, and Orange people. We’ve got enough content to keep you learning for years.
Treat other people the way they want to be treated. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Here’s how this would work. For example, if you’re interacting with a Blue, then feel like a Blue, think like a Blue, and act like a Blue. Show them that you value what they value, that you prize what they prize. Emulate their communication style. Teach them in ways they need to be taught. Don’t make them unhappy by acting in ways that are known to stress them out. Participate with them in activities that bring them joy. Be the kind of person they want you to be, and need you to be, and your relationship problems will quickly disappear like snowflakes on a hot sand dune.
In a way, I’m asking you to be as adaptable as a chameleon. Just like they adjust their appearance to accommodate their surroundings, you can adjust your behaviors to accommodate the preferences of those around you. Or you might want to image that you’re a professional actor. Sometimes you play the princess, sometimes the peasant. But at the end of the day, when you take off your costume, remove your makeup, and stand naked in the shower, you’ll always be the same person you were yesterday. Because you’re not a princess and you’re not a peasant—you’re an actor. I’m simply asking you to do different things, not become a different person. I’m not asking you to change your own personality. And honestly, I don’t think that’s possible without changing your brain. Because just like a pine cone never grows up to be an oak tree, a baby Orange never grows up to be a Gold. You are who you were born to be. However, you have the ability to act any way you choose.
So if you spend all your time treating other people the way they want to be treated, what about your wants, your needs, and your desires. Who takes care of those? Well hopefully, at least one of your friends or family members will notice your selfless example and turn around and treat you the way you want to be treated. Then we have a truly win-win situation. A heavenly situation, in fact.
So now let’s take another look at my list of problems. If I behave more like a Green person who has the ability to stay cool, calm, and collected, will that help reduce my impatience? If I behave more like a Gold, who takes responsibility for just about everything, am I likely to keep making excuses? If I choose to see the world from an upbeat perspective, like the ever-optimistic Orange, won’t that be an antidote to my negativity? And if I behave more like a Blue, who always seems to have a genuinely thankful heart, will I finally lose the horrible vice of ingratitude? I think so. In fact, if you really look at our problems, you’ll see that most of them stem from negative behaviors, which we call vices. And it so happens, that each temperament has a collection of positive behaviors, which we call virtues, that come naturally to them. All we have to do is let these virtues replace our vices.
To help you act in ways that are more Blue, Gold, Green, and Orange, InsightLearning.com has a number of resources that will help you acquire the virtues that are associated with each temperament. A good place to start is the Nexus Quest program or the Insight Skills Library. You’ll find hundreds of simple, step-by-step instructions on how to treat people the way they want to be treated. And all of these are free to use as long as you have a paid subscription to our website.
To solve your personal people problems, you need to complete three tasks: (1) identify your spectrum and the spectra of your family members, (2) learn as much as you can about each temperament, and (3), treat other people the way they want to be treated. InsightLearning.com will help you complete all three tasks. The only thing you’ll need to do is spend $17 and invest as much time and energy as you can afford to spend. Then the intensity and the frequency of your people problems will start to diminish, because you’ll be surrounded with happier people—because you’re treating them better. And, if you’re lucky, some of them will start to treat you better too.
Today I invite you to begin your journey towards a happier, less problem-filled life. After you explore InsightLearning.com a bit, and feel comfortable with what you see, please go to the online bookstore and purchase a $17 subscription. Then you can get to work on your three tasks. Soon, before you know it, you’ll be living a life that most people only dream about. A life filled with true joy and Insight. Thanks for watching!