How Observing Behaviors Can Lead to Business and Relationship Failure
It is often said that actions speak louder than words. It’s true; our behavior can tip off what we are really feeling at any given time. Sometimes, our behavior can provide clues as to what we value or believe. However, our actions are only a clue to our attitudes, values, and motivations.
When trying to understand someone, it is easy to believe that they will behave in a manner consistent with their values and motivations. This is not always, or even usually, the case. Often, we think that by looking solely at a particular set of behaviors, we can judge a person’s motivation, values, and attitude. We can’t. We can gather clues, but just as any good detective, we will often find that we have come to incorrect conclusions. Behavior alone is simply not enough.
Meet Michael the Salesperson
Michael is a salesperson who has been described as bold, powerful, and sometimes self-assured to the point of arrogance. He is successful, but his coworkers find him hard to work with at times because he sometimes switches from being fair and tolerant to critical and defiant without notice.
What does Michael value? What motivates him? What is his primary temperament style? Well, if you look at the behavior clues, you might say that Michael is Orange because he is is a successful salesman who is bold, powerful, and self-assured. In addition, you know that Oranges tend to be on the daring side and like to push limits. The clues might also lead you to believe that Michael’s coworkers simply don’t understand the competitive and skillful Orange personality.
These are very logical assumptions. But in reality, they are just assumptions. Michael might be an Orange, but Michael might also be a Green who has learned to be successful doing Orange behaviors. Michael might be a Green and out of esteem (arrogant, critical, non-compliant). Michael’s primary and secondary colors (Green and Orange) might be so close together that he can switch with ease. Whatever Michael’s true colors, the bottom line is that we can’t tell simply from his behavior or, more correctly, from our perceptions of his behavior.
Behavior is a Clue Rather Than a Key
Once you understand the basic characteristics of each temperament (both in and out of esteem), you can begin to sort actions into possible motivations and begin to make predictions about future behaviors. For an even clearer picture, you can ask some specific questions and listen carefully for the clues each answer provides.
Some questions that will help you in understanding underlying motivations might be:
- What is your idea of fun?
- What kind of work do you enjoy doing?
- If you could choose five words to describe yourself, what would they be?
- What is your idea of the perfect working environment?
- What do you expect from your relationships?
The answers to each of these questions, combined with an understanding of each temperament, will help you more accurately put your finger on the motivations of others. We need to look at their behaviors as one clue to their motivation and dig deeper than actions alone to discover their motivations and values. Understanding each temperament style (both when in and out of esteem) will help you read those clues more efficiently and effectively. And just as we are told not to judge a book by its cover, be careful in judging the temperament style of a person by his or her behavior alone.