How to Help Someone Who is Out-of-Esteem
How do you know when someone has a less than positive self-image? Are there behaviors that signal trouble ahead? Each temperament style has their own unique indicators for when they are in- and out-of-esteem. Knowing the signals will help everyone move toward putting the esteem engine back on the right track.
The Causes
There are many factors affecting esteem. Stress and frustration levels are the top vote-getters for causing out-of-esteem behavior. Stresses and frustrations are common events for all of us, but even they can be particular to a specific temperament style. A Gold in a situation of constant change will likely begin to exhibit out-of-esteem behaviors. An Orange in the same situation will likely thrive. A social situation where making small talk is necessary is typically great for a Blue and highly frustrating and stressful for a Green.
Being proactive about avoiding things that cause stress and frustration to the people around you (including yourself) is likely to help maintain positive self-esteem. When a reality check informs us that removing stress from our lives completely is not an attainable goal, it’s time to focus on what each temperament style looks like when out-of-esteem.
The Symptoms
When we are placed in stress mode, we simply don’t function as we normally would. This can cause attitudes and behaviors to shift. When that happens, we often pull out our negative bag of tricks. In children, this is usually lamented as misbehavior. In adults, we might see destructive or inappropriate behaviors begin to surface. Oddly enough, these negative behaviors seem to stem from behaviors that are usually effective, but have been taken to an extreme and therefore become liabilities.
If people with a positive self-image typically demonstrate the strengths of their temperament style, the flip side is also true. Those with a negative self-image will exhibit a set of negative or out-of-esteem behaviors for their temperament style. To put it another way, if you are seeing inappropriate behavior, the person isn’t “being Orange” or “being Green” they are simply displaying the out-of-esteem or negative characteristics of their own temperament style.
Below you’ll see a partial listing of both in and out-of-esteem characteristics for each temperament style.
Positive Strengths (In-Esteem)
Blue
- Warm
- Kind
- Devoted
- Compassionate
- Artistic
Gold
- Consistent
- Loyal
- Thorough
- Traditional
- Cooperative
Green
- Clever
- Level-headed
- Logical
- Competent
- Visionary
Orange
- Adventurous
- Generous
- Tolerant
- Skillful
- Charming
Liabilities (Out-of-Esteem)
Blue
- Untruthful
- Unrealistic
- Emotional
- Self-absorbed
- Withdrawn
Gold
- Abusive
- Self-righteous
- Fussy
- Compulsive
- Demanding
Green
- Finicky
- Critical
- Skeptical
- Sarcastic
- Non-compliant
Orange
- Violent
- Loud
- Rude
- Impatient
- Belligerent
Hopefully, you see characteristics from the in-esteem side of this chart in those around you. However, if you are noticing a pattern of behaviors from the out-of-esteem side, it is a pretty good indicator that some esteem building action needs to be taken.
Tips for Building Esteem
Each temperament style not only has its own esteem indicators, they also have unique esteem builders. To help rebuild the self-image of others, it is critical that you give them opportunities to feel good about themselves and focus on their strengths.
Blue
- Show caring and concern
- Give creative opportunities
- Recognize individuality
- Accept their feelings
- Express appreciation
- Help in building relationships
Gold
- Recognize leadership skills
- Set attainable goals
- Provide structure
- Give responsibilities
- Recognize achievements
- Value their work ethic
Green
- Listen to their ideas
- Allow independent work
- Provide mental challenges
- Allow access to resources
- Recognize their competence
- Allow sufficient time
Orange
- Recognize their talents
- Promote optimism
- Provide chances to shine
- Appreciate their humor
- Give leadership roles
- Give immediate rewards
If someone you know is displaying out-of-esteem behaviors and you look at those traits as symptoms of a low self-image, you can use your knowledge of temperament to begin building (or rebuilding) their self-esteem. As you begin the process of helping get the esteem train back on track, it is important to remember that, for a time, it can be healthy to vent frustrations and feelings. Let that happen; don’t try to fix it. Then encourage them to concentrate on their strengths and guide them toward meaningful successes and lead them back to the self-image cycle.