There are at least two sides to every issue. However, when push comes to shove, and family issues get involved, we often forget (or even ignore) this fact. In families, the whole may indeed be greater than the sum of its parts. The effect of the parts, however, cannot be denied.
Your family is comprised of a mixture of Blue, Gold, Green, and Orange temperaments. Each of those temperaments brings to the table an assortment of strengths and values. This is what makes each family as unique as each temperament that composes its makeup. The trick is learning to understand and value each member as part of the larger whole.
Meet the Talberts
Susan (Gold-Blue) and her husband Sam (Orange-Green) have been together for several years. When asked, both say that they are good communicators. As their relationship has progressed, both have noticed that communication about everyday things is a little strained. Susan laments that Sam doesn’t listen when she asks him to do simple household tasks. Sam complains that Susan focuses too much on trivial tasks.
From her perspective, Susan’s communication about completing everyday tasks is one of the ways that she indicates her concern and affection for Sam. Being primarily Gold, one of her strengths is the ability to organize the details of life and she naturally communicates love and respect through the things that she does for her family.
Sam, on the other hand, likes to live in the moment. Being primarily Orange, he is relaxed and casual about everyday tasks. He sees no immediate need to pick up clothes or make the bed. These are tasks that will be there to do later. Sam feels that days are meant to be active and full. The tasks Susan would like him to complete are not perceived as a means to that end.
What Can Be Done?
The answer to the Talbert’s communication issue is not one of right or wrong. It is one of understanding. Sam needs to examine the requested tasks from Susan’s perspective. Susan needs to view the requests from Sam’s perspective. In short, they both need to understand what is motivating the behavior (or lack of behavior) in each other.
Once this couple sees both perspectives, they can then work on an effective solution. For example, Sam and Susan might set aside a half hour each day designated to picking up the house together. Or, Susan might agree to be in charge of pick-up duties while Sam becomes responsible for doing the cooking or the laundry. Then once the chores are done, they are both free to do other things. Regardless of the solution, both parties must come to some sort of mutual agreement.
Theory into Practice
The case of Sam and Susan is an example that we can use everyday within our families. Anytime we look through the glasses of our own personality style to the exclusion of the other styles that are present in our households, we set ourselves (and our families) up for some stressful times. Here are some ways we can value Blue, Gold, Green, and Orange people:
Blue
- Spend quality time with them.
- Listen to their concerns, and avoid providing solutions until they are requested.
- Allow them to foster compromise and cooperation between family members.
- Provide opportunities for creative development and celebrate individuality.
Gold
- Recognize their efforts and achievements.
- Make concerted efforts to be punctual and orderly.
- Clearly define expectations for behavior, tasks, and the overall relationship.
- Make and keep commitments, including the commitment to cleanliness and organization.
Green
- Give them the space and freedom to think and plan.
- Encourage them to voice their opinions and support their continued drive to learn.
- Help them accomplish the little details of the day without reducing their feeling of competency.
- Let them be the expert in a subject of their choice.
Orange
- Recognize their skills and talents.
- Allow them time to be active and spontaneous.
- Support their need to take risks and stretch limits.
- Provide them outlets for their competitive nature.
We must recognize and support the preferences and values of those within our family structure. We must learn to look beyond our own preferences and values to those of others. Only when we truly see an issue or task from an alternative point-of-view can we begin to develop plans and paths for successful communication.