How to Motivate a Grumpy Child to Complete Homework Assignments
Research has revealed that many children don’t like to complete homework assignments. It’s hard to believe, I know, but sometimes they would rather do something completely different.
As de facto partners with school teachers, parents and guardians have little choice but to encourage their children to complete their homework assignments, regardless of whether or not the assignments appeal to your child’s temperament or skill set.
When these situations occur, you’ve got to know how to motivate reluctant and grumpy children. Fortunately, with a properly packed temperament toolbox, this task won’t be nearly as challenging for you as it will be for your unfortunate neighbors.
Case Study: Amanda
Amanda is a very serious child. Her room and belongings are always picked up and put their correct place. She is extremely conscientious about completing her chores and homework before going out to play. Her parents have noticed that she behaves best when she is clear about what should be done. She acts out only when expectations aren’t clear or her siblings are treated in a manner she identifies as unfair. Amanda’s teacher has indicated that she is a good student, however, she seems unwilling to tackle new tasks without a great deal of “checking in.” Risk taking and changes in routine seem to cause her great stress.
Amanda, a grumpy pre-teen who doesn't want to do her homework.
There is much more to Amanda than can possibly be shared in this short description, but the general patterns of behavior described here can help us choose the correct temperament tools to maintain Amanda’s status as a valuable, rather than disruptive, family (team) member.
Taking Measure of Her Behavioral Patterns
The first step in building a firm foundation is to determine a pattern of regular behavior. In other words, discover the primary temperament style of the child (or adult) in question. In our example above, Amanda’s pattern of behaviors indicates she has a tendency toward behaviors that are primarily within the Gold temperament.
- Serious
- Organized
- Clean and neat
- Conscientious
- Work before play
- Needs clear expectations
- Values fairness
- Well behaved
- Doesn’t like risk or change
- Likes routine
Armed with that knowledge, family members can begin to utilize their understanding of the temperament styles to not only communicate effectively, but to build plans of action that are in line with the way the child (or adult) works with the world around him or her.
Creating a Blueprint for Action
Let’s continue to use Amanda as an example. In this case, the goal is for Amanda to become and stay a productive member of the family team without causing undue stress to the rest of the family. In other words, we want to celebrate her strengths while developing her ability to work in the other temperament areas.
To do this, we must first truly celebrate Amanda’s strengths by noticing and commenting on her ability to keep things neat and clean. She works hard and likes to be recognized for it. Providing Amanda with clear and consistent expectations will allow her to feel at ease in her environment. Once the security and structure she craves is established, small steps can be taken toward teaching strategies for dealing with change or activities that require some risk (remember, to Amanda, anything that is different is a risk). It may be helpful to include Amanda in the planning of anything that she would consider a risk taking activity or that would cause stress due to a change in the routine. Being in charge of a specific part of a plan will help ease the tension.
Returning to the Drawing Board
Sometimes even the best-laid plans go awry. When that happens, there are some tips for dealing with an upset or uncooperative Gold.
- Clearly state the problem at hand and avoid bringing up past mistakes or misbehaviors.
- Ask the child (or adult) to explain the expected behavior (chances are they know what they were supposed to do).
- Together, formulate a plan of action to solve the problem (set a goal and be consistent).
- Ask for a formal or informal commitment
- Maintain a calm, cool attitude and mannerisms; avoid extremes.
- Find a way for them to make it up.
- Reinforce strengths.
An exchange might go something like this:
- Mom: Amanda, it’s time to work on your literature project. Let’s sit down and get this done.
- Amanda (grumpily): I hate this project. Why can’t I just write a report about the book? How is an art project going to prove that I read the book?
- Mom: I know you would rather write a report, but that’s not the assignment. What did your teacher assign?
- Amanda (still grumpy): She told us that we could do one of five art projects. We get to choose, but I still don’t like it.
- Mom: Did she ask everyone to do this or were some people allowed to write a report?
- Amanda (still grumpy): Everyone has to pick an art project. Everyone got the same assignment.
- Mom: OK, so let’s look at the requirements that she sent home. Look, she is very specific about what she wants just like she is when you write your reports. You can see exactly what she expects and how you will be graded.
- Amanda (less grumpy): Yea, I guess you’re right. I just have to follow the guidelines. She was pretty specific.
- Mom: So, what are you going to do?
- Amanda (almost interested): I think that I could do a pretty good job on the collage. When I was reading my book, I could really imagine the characters and the places.
- Mom: Sounds like you have a plan.
- Amanda (ready to work): Yep. Where are the magazines?
This example may be a bit simplistic, but the basics remain. Clear expectations, structure, organization, and planning are the tricks of the trade with your Gold family members!